I always spoke the words with a kind of odd reverence, with a deliberate slowing and an emphasis that said this, this right here, needs capital letters and quotation marks and special notation: “The Day… We Left… The Nursing Home.” It was pretty close to pre- and post-apocalypse. It was a Big Deal. “The Day” was pivotal.
When Gary and I first married, we both worked at one of the Nursing Homes his family owned and operated. Gary was the administrator, I was the social worker. For ten years we loved doing it, and then, we didn’t quite so much… Lots of things pointed to it being time to move on, but mostly it was God leading us into a new season, with lots of confirmations that He was with us, that we’d be okay, and our five-year-old son and our soon-to-be-born daughter would be okay, too.
So we left our jobs. Gary’s parents sold the Nursing Home, and Gary started a new business venture with a friend. For us, it was new territory: not a whole lot of financial cushion, no regular salary, baby on the way, learning to trust God in new ways for daily bread, and His presence with us the thing we looked for most. The Day We Left The Nursing Home was a turning point.
Have I mentioned that I’m big on planning, I’m not a risk-taker, and I like security? Yeah. Non-regular-salaries don’t fall into place easily with a heart that looks for soft resting places and lots of… cushion.
In the early years of marriage we pretty much sailed through life, but The Day We Left The Nursing Home was the beginning of a new dependence on God. BEFORE, we had been self-sufficient, but The Day We Left The Nursing Home we were clearly no longer self-sufficient and we began to see and trust God’s heart toward us, and to look for His sufficiency. By necessity! Daily necessity.
Then one day it somehow occurred to me: God didn’t look at The Day We Left The Nursing Home as anything particularly significant! He didn’t suddenly have to kick it into high gear to take care of us from that point on. He’d been our security all along, even when we were taking the credit for that…
With God, there’s no “before that thing” and “after that thing”. There is just… Him. And us, held securely by the Father who sees it all before we even have a clue about what’s coming down the road toward us.
I am reminding myself of that lesson again, now twenty years after the first time I learned it. Tomorrow Gary and I celebrate our thirtieth anniversary! Yayyy!! (#joy) And next week Gary goes for a second surgery, to do some more repair work on the cerebral aneurysm that took us by surprise last December, and that we thought was all behind us now… (#trustingGod)
I’m reminding my heart that God’s not wringing His hands, not frantic, not surprised. “The Day We Learned Gary Has A Brain Aneurysm” is just – the day we learned Gary has a brain aneurysm. It’s the day we heard scary words and realized in new ways that we aren’t in control. But God never thought we were. God has us. God.Holds.Us.
So today I’m trusting Him. And tomorrow I’ll trust some more. And the cushion I need most is already HERE. It’s Him.
~May 24, 2015~